a letter to my future self

Hey. Remember me? As of this writing, I have lost 30 pounds from an all-time high weight of 221. I feel great. I do yoga every week and frequently go on 20+ mile bike rides. I have no back pain anymore and my body's so strong. Sure, my sprained ankle is still giving me trouble but if anything, I've proven that I can lose weight even with an injury. Injuries don't hold me back. Only I hold myself back.

I'm writing this to remind you of how I felt 30 pounds ago. I was miserable and hated who I'd become, spending all day in bed and struggling just to walk the half mile to the grocery store. Suffering from painful muscle spasms in my legs because of malnutrition [despite eating too much food!]. Taking painkillers every day because laying in bed all the time made my back hurt, but doing nothing to fix it like the simple act of getting out of bed. Having every single extra pound weighing me down. Feeling absolutely worthless.

I don't feel any of that anymore. Sure, I still have over 50 extra pounds on me but they don't weigh me down like those first 30. I'm getting rid of those extra pounds, too, and they know it. They know their time is up. They may still be there on the scale, but they don't have any weight on my actions anymore. I don't let them hold me down. I get on my bike and fly.

I don't want to go back to feeling miserable with every step I take. I don't want to invite cancer, heart disease, and diabetes into my life without putting up a damn good fight. I don't want to feel worthless anymore. And I'm sure that you don't either. So, I'm writing this to remind you. You may have slip-ups, not even you are perfect, and there may be stretches of time where things seem out of control. But you can always get back on track. You can always fly again. I'm living proof, and I'm sure you are too.

I love you. Don't give up.